2 weeks!

After my check up with the doctor today, I found out I can wait 2 weeks before coming back :) For just over a month now it has been monday-thursday of some sort of doctor appointment. Now I at least get next Wednesday off! It's the little things, lol.

I was talking to my mom this morning and she was asking me how i was doing. She apologized that I have been in the background since my sister has been in the ICU and both of my sisters have babies in the NICU. I told it was ok but she disagreed and insisted on talking about how I was doing, which I genuinely appreciated.

It was nice to be able to tell my mom that I am not doing that great. I'm really not doing poorly but in all reality, I'm not doing great either. It's crunch time before my program starts and daily it seems I am getting an email about something new that I need to do: get student liability insurance, renter's insurance, meet with my adviser, meet with another professor, join this organization, check your billing statement, etc.

All of this is exciting but it's also overwhelming. I can't even think of every word I want to say in a sentence sometimes! Walking through a supply store today, I was trying to take a mental inventory of things I need to purchase. Then it dawns on me, I don't have any money... I have to buy a car.

Move in date for my apartment is next week... How am I going to get there? How am I going to get home? How am I going to get my stuff there? Will I have to rely on my roommate to take me to school? When do I schedule these meetings, will I even have transportation?

Extra stress that is not necessary. I always appreciated having a car, but this is showing me just how much freedom I lost in that accident. I feel like crying at the thought of spending money on a car, while I need other things for school. I don't want to rely on a loan the entirety of my program but how do I get a job without a car?

All of this is adding to the issues I'm having from my concussion. The doctor doesn't think I need to keep track of daily symptoms anymore, which is great! However, I still can't run or play sports, no sort of working out. I can continue to try to read and increase my mental stimulation. Right now? I have a headache.

I apologize if I seem whiny. It may seem as though I live in a bubble where I think only my life is difficult. Trust me, that is not the case. I am very aware of how difficult my life isn't, about how lucky I am to be where I am and how much worse it could be. The fact of the matter is, that doesn't change that I am frustrated, it doesn't change that things stink right now and I don't find fault in admitting that.

In order to get better, I need to deal with my reality. My reality is that I need to be ready for my program to start in 26 days even though I'm still struggling with concussion symptoms. I do not have a car at the moment, nor do I have an income. This is ok. This is where I am and it won't always be this way.

But for now, I am giving myself permission to be frustrated, annoyed, irritated and a little concerned. As long as I keep my head about me, stay focused on the goal and take my days moment to moment, I will come out on the other side of this having learned more about myself and the strength I still have in me.

I'm glad I have this outlet. It is much easier to get this out than keep it in all the time. I hate discussing this with people I know because it must get so annoying to hear everyday that I have a headache... trust me, it's more annoying to have the headache ;)

Staying strong and staying focused on what matters.

Moment to moment...