Attitude Adjustment

I had an interesting conversation with an old friend today who also happens to work in Sports Psychology. We were talking about the negative thoughts I've been having and the issues that my fear has conjured up in my head since my accident. She brought to my attention that, although I definitely have a concussion, I'm showing a lot of signs of PTSD.

I've regressed back to the stage I was in when I had my initial concussions. It's crazy when you know about things, have studied things and are interested in learning more about things but it's very difficult to apply them to yourself. It makes a lot of sense, I can feel the anxiety and my fears have been tainting everything that I dream about, in fact, my dreams have become nightmares to an extent.

With everything that is going on in my family right now, it's difficult to focus on myself and be ok with it. It is NOT selfish to make sure I am taken care of, it is my responsibility to myself. My healing now is essential to my success later. I know this.

I am so appreciative of the support system I have. My sister who is dealing with a newborn in the NICU has checked on me every day. My other sister is in ICU with blood clots in her hand and in immense pain, she is 38 weeks pregnant and when I visited her today, she still asked me how I was feeling today. My parents never fail to support me in taking care of myself, staying positive and taking it one day at a time.

Phil has been incredible. He is patient, understanding, supportive, comforting and concerned. He does not try to understand what I am going through, as it is very difficult to explain, but, instead, he is here to listen, be a shoulder to cry on, offer advice, give a hug, make me dinner, or anything else I need. 

And when I express my doubts, fears and confusion about the future, he doesn't take any of it personally, he walks me through it and talks to me about what makes sense, what doesn't and reminds me to take it one day at a time. He encourages me to remember that the world is at my feet and what ever it is I end up doing with my life, he will support me as long as I am happy and healthy.

Not only has HE been amazing but his sister has checked in on me every day since my accident. She expresses her concerns for me and my sisters who are dealing with their own problems. She offers help if needed and is very supportive in my healing process. It's as if I have another amazing sister.

And Phil's friends have been incredible. I have met a lot of amazing men and women through him and they are proving it day in and day out to me. I am so blessed to have gotten to know them and be friends with them. One of his friends checks in on me essentially every day. Others check in on occasion and it's so nice to be thought of. One friend who I have gotten pretty close with is getting married this weekend and still took the time to call me and check in on me earlier this week. 

There will be times during my healing that I am sad, depressed, fearful, uncertain and down right pessimistic. But at the end of the day, I have a stable and supportive environment to heal. I have love all around me and care and concern. There are people in my life I am not deserving of but I hope they know I appreciate them with all of my heart. Thank you everyone!!!

I started my biofeedback sessions yesterday and will be doing my 10 week cycle to induce healing and recovery from my injuries. I am blessed to have this opportunity to revisit this amazing skill and develop it once again. I've done this before, last time it was a whole lot worse. I can do this again... I will be me again... Soon! ;)