Smile

Be in the moment. Don't let it pass you by, you won't experience it again. Each moment I am reminding myself that this accident happened for a reason and I'm beginning to feel some clarity as to why. Reworking how I look at situations...

I am frustrated because I want to do something different than what I am allowed right now. I want to be able to run around, play soccer, study my online course and make headway into my future. I feel like not doing that now is setting me back. The problem here is all of these "I" statements.

God's plan is at work here, not mine. Eventually I will be able to run, play soccer, lift, workout, study, be social and anything else I decide I want to do. But not right now. Right now, I need to spend my time reorganizing my thoughts, remembering that I am fortunate that I will return to normal and let go of what I wish would be and accept what is.

The Women's National Soccer Team plays France today at noon and I am excited for my friends who are taking them on. I will forever long to be a part of such an amazing team and event. My journey may not lead there but that doesn't mean I can't be happy for those who are fortunate enough to end up there.

My path is uncertain in terms of where I will end up but I will be in the moment and not rule anything out. I could go through my doctoral program and come out working with athletes with concussions or inmates in prison or work with the army or professional sports teams or any other population I may not even know about yet.

Maybe I'll be a doctor, coach, wife, mom, volunteer and whatever other title I pick up along the way. There is so much being offered in this life that I need to smile and remember to focus on what I CAN do instead of what I wish I could do.

Sometimes I think maybe I could play soccer again but this concussion seems to be telling me perhaps that's something I should let be. There are things that people push through and I'm sure I could push through this, but I don't want cognitive impairment or any type of dementia. Not that it is guaranteed with concussions but if it ups my chances, maybe I should take it easy.

It's ok to think about what could've been but not at the expense of appreciating what is. My life consists of a very tight-knit family who is there for each other no matter what. I will start a doctoral program soon and have been offered a way to be involved in a college women's soccer program. My friends are incredible and I've gotten close to a lot of Phil's friends who are amazing.

And Phil. I can't describe Phil. He holds it all together. No matter what is going on, he is here. I have never been able to count on someone more than I know I can count on him. He is appreciative and complementary. He has my best interest in mind and supports me in any dream I have. As much as Hollywood tries to portray the perfect relationship, they didn't come close to what Phil and I have. I will never take this for granted and I can never express enough how grateful I am to have him.

Circumstances do not define me, my faith in God defines me. I really need to start showing that I know God will take care of me. I know I'm resting in the palm of God's hand. Taking things one day at a time can seem daunting, so I am going to live in the moment and SMILE. Attitude is half of the battle.

Remember that you are not alone.

"Footprints in the Sand"

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”