Roller Coaster Ride

Woah! I had a really good few days this past week. Not only was my attitude good and my temper fuse longer but my headache was less intense and sometimes even gone :)

I should've known that there would be a time when I would struggle again. The reality is I am not 100% yet so there will be days that things aren't so great.

My day today has been a roller coaster. Church was awesome this morning, I was in a good mood, Phil was with me and the message was great! We went to the grocery store and planned on cleaning when we got home. Unfortunately, half way through my headache began to come on pretty strong, I started to feel fatigued and I just wanted to lay down.

Luckily, Phil was understanding so he went for a run so I could take a nap. When he got home I was sleeping and he began to clean. I felt guilty so I got up and started to help, bad idea. My patience were short and I began to get really hot and annoyed.

I was irritated that I was cleaning and that I didn't feel well so I started yelling at Phil about how to clean and why the cleaning supplies wasn't where I wanted them to be... What?! Who does that? So I removed myself from the situation and went for a walk, got a coffee and some sandwiches for lunch and came back.

Fortunately, Phil is extremely understanding, accepted my apology and thanked me for getting lunch for later. We finished cleaning together and are finally relaxing.

It was amazing though, when I got so annoyed. I got an update on my sister during my cleaning break as well and she is back in the ICU. It's crazy how quickly I started to feel everything spiraling out of control. How fast I became frustrated and down, feeling like nothing was ever going to be normal again.

I took 3 deep breaths, as Leah and I discussed for such moments, and began to feel better as I walked and took a break. It's frustrating that the sun hurts my eyes so bad because I need some sun, I think that's some of my attitude problem.

This whole having a concussion thing is confusing but I'm trying to take it one moment at a time. Trust me, some of the moments are really funny! I say a lot of incorrect references lately, I pause a lot to let me thoughts catch up with my mouth and at times I insert an incorrect word or phrase. For instance, bare and grin it is my new saying :)

During the opening ceremony for the Olympics I was trying to reference A Christmas Carol and, instead said A Nightmare Before Christmas... haha! Definitely, NOT the same lol, but what do you do? I have to laugh because there is nothing I can do except rest and try to get better. Might as well be able to laugh at myself along the way.

I'm actually really happy to be watching the Olympics. I'm glad where I am in my life and I am excited for school to start. I really am beginning to feel hope for the future, for success, for my health and perseverance. I am strong and I just have to remember that I am going through this now for a greater purpose later :)

Moment to moment. Right now, this moment is pretty good and for that I am grateful.