Today stinks. I'm feeling pretty isolated and lonely. Phil has come home to see me any chance he gets but it's getting hard just sitting around. I am watching TV today and I'm obviously on the computer. I'll have to shut down soon as I can feel my headache fluctuating to higher degrees...
I'm doing my biofeedback breathing and I really think that is keeping me grounded. But even that is difficult for me to concentrate during. When I breathe in I think of Peace and Acceptance and when I breathe out I think of Frustration and Control. I envision calm coming into my body and irritation leaving my body.
Inevitably during this time I begin to think about the fact I don't have a car. How will I get one? Do I have the money? Will I get to see Ariella and Jaxson soon? How is my sister? What will the affects of all this be? How long will it take for this case to be settled? So many thoughts. I can't reign them all in...
So during the day I am trying to keep busy with little tasks... I've done laundry, emptied the dishwasher and made lunch but there's really nothing else I can do. I'd like to vacuum but even that is probably not a good idea... Grrr.
The most frustrating part about sitting around all day is that I don't feel like I know this is helping me heal. I can't feel a difference and I know it won't be instantaneous but I'd love for it to be. Just seems frustrating that even the experts have no answers. Sit and wait. It's hard to stay motivated and excited about things but I think the best thing I can do is accept where I am.
Today, I'm annoyed, I'm frustrated but I'm also relaxed and trying to be content with where I am. One day at a time. Easier said than done but I'm doing my best. There are things that need to be done that I can't really do right now. I am trying to do them piece by piece...
But I'm exhausted. My eyes are tired and today, I am sad.
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